Inside my mind at 10 years old

I like to flatter myself by thinking that since the fifth grade I've changed a decent amount. Unfortunately, last night I rediscovered some of my old notebooks/journals and had to reckon with the fact that I haven't changed much at all.

I've decided to share some of the highlights.

As a child, I considered myself a bit of a writer. Up until yesterday, I wasn't quite sure why as I never really got around to doing any actual writing. I guess I had this assumption that I could write gold if I tried, but I had better things to do. Fortunately for you all, I do have quite a few original songs.

This song was inspired by the Hunger Games. Some of you may be surprised that I never got into fan fiction; I like to think in an alternate universe I did, gathering a massive fan base.

Here is another song I wrote:

I hope the pause = short pause and pause x2 = long pause helps to clarify some things for you.

For a brief period in fifth grade, I decided to become religious. To aid myself with my nightly prayers, I constructed this list of things to remember to bring up. I think by carbon dioxide leaks I meant monoxide, this may have been after learning about how you could die leaving a car running in a closed garage.

Here, I have a class seating chart. I am not exactly sure why I wanted this in my notebook, but I am sure I had a very good reason.

On December 3rd. Again, not sure why this was something I wanted to remember.

It was good to know that Tang (TANG) has always been something on my mind.

For about eight months from 2014-2015, I wrote "notes for the night" in my journal before bed every night I could manage. Notes for the Night consisted of me sitting beside my window, counting every car and person that went by. This went on for about fifteen to twenty minutes, where I would write down descriptors, like the outfits of these people, if there were any unique cars like a taxi or truck, and any other things out of the ordinary I noticed.

December 4 2014: Who knew ten minutes of looking out the window every night was taking such a toll on my sleep schedule! Clearly, it was worth mentioning the circles under my eyes.

This was separate from Notes for the Night, but still me keeping a watchful eye on my street. Some reason I felt that this was very important, mentioning it many times.

February 25, 2015: My gym teacher dyed her hair, and I had some very strong feelings about it. I also, when rereading these pages, was grateful for the helpful drawing on the bottom. The equation really helped me understand how Wednesdays used to make me feel!

March 31, 2015: This one was shorter on the descriptions, but I had a lot of life events to write about. Of course, I had to comment on how the day before I used the 23rd page of my notebook, which was crazy because my class numbers of both fourth and fifth grade had the number 23 in them. WOW! Then, I switched to pen, to demonstrate my strong feelings about this subject, to tell my journal how I felt about my sister having a golden birthday party. I wonder if I was just jealous my own "golden birthday" wouldn't be until I turned 22. Finally, I tied it off with one of many reminders to conduct a "glowstick experiment" which I described in thorough detail over and over throughout this notebook but don't think I ever conducted. I guess I will never know!

April 9, 2015: I'm glad I was so concerned about straining my eyes in low light. Hasn't done much good.

This one doesn't have a date, but I do still hate inventors. So true!

And now, the pom-pom saga. These three pages are spread over a couple of different days, with a common theme of me being a massive cunt.

In another notebook I have my friends Instagram bios chronicled. I'm not sure how I learned these, since this was before I had Instagram.

That's all I could bear to read for now...

My Favorite Things

As a child, often as I was falling asleep, I would scan my room and pick which of my belongings I would save in a fire. The answer was always my stuffed animals.

I would imagine myself throwing them off the side of the building, down to the safety of the trampoline the firefighters had laid out on the street. I’m not sure if they actually use trampolines, but I was certain about this part of the story. Some would bounce off, most would land upright, waiting for me down below as I climbed down the classic fireman ladder. (Why there was both a trampoline and ladder is beyond me).

Today, I was sitting on my rug as I often do. I started to think about what my favorite belongings are all these years later. A list of top ten was too overwhelming, so I decided on an assortment of favorites, in no particular order. I have many more, but as Tati once said, "time and place."

This might also be partially inspired by one of my most cherished songs as a child, "My Favorite Things" from the Sound of Music.

So, here you are.

1. My robot. I actually have four robots, a complete one, a robot head from my Halloween costume, another robot head from an old can, and a 2D cutout, but my favorite is the full-bodied one. He is about two feet tall, which is a very rough estimate; I have always struggled to determine how big a foot actually is. Currently, this robot, which has no name, is sporting my one winter hat and a pink eye mask with polka dots.

It is possibly my favorite thing I have ever made, and I have a strong emotional connection to it. Sometimes I think about how I could the Geppetto to his Pinocchio, although we all saw how that turned out. I actually do not know how that turned out, because I don’t remember the plot. I would imagine not ideally.

I love talking about robots always so I can elaborate on any of this at any time ever.

2. My purple/pink high heel. This comes from the Phoenicia church thrift store, and while I have yet to figure out the perfect thing to put inside, it serves its purpose well as shelf decor. It reminds me of the Wicked Witch from the West (or East), even though I looked her up a few weeks ago and Google told me she dons a red shoe instead. Were they THE red shoes? (By The Red Shoes, I mean those that Dorothy finds/uses). I don't have the answers to these questions.

3. My neon pink and orange calculus textbook. Jaimie spotted this find. At first I thought I had no use for it, but she soon made me realize that the cover is use enough. Math meets style and awesomeness. Now everyone who comes into my room will know how smart and fabulous I am.

4. My two green glass lamps that don’t have bulbs or shades. I’ve added pipe cleaners in the shape of light bulbs to the top, and I always wonder if it’s ever tricked someone. Unlikely, but I hope so.

5. My collection of cats. I am not a particularly cat centric/catty person and I never source them out, so I’m not sure how I’ve gathered this collection, but here they are. Boy, am I grateful! Yes, my desk is dusty. That's life (that's life), thats what all the people say.

6. My silver bowtie necklace. This one is the classiest thing I own. Every time I wear it, I like to imagine the world stops spinning on its axis for a moment.

7. My cheetah pillowcases, green sheets and orange duvet combo. The cheetah pillowcases are the newest addition, and while I don’t think it has a high enough thread count to be something a Real Housewife would own, it makes me feel like one of them. This looks better in person, my camera is not doing it justice.

8. My gold sequin table cloth. This might have been my best yard sale find of the summer. Originally, I had it on my bed, but it shed so many little pieces of wax that I had to cut my losses and put it on my desk.

9. My mouse lamp. It does a weak job light-wise but it’s both on theme with the mice that live alongside us, and has a very cheeky energy which I appreciate. I like that he's holding up the light bulb for me - he also doesn't have a name. Maybe something to work on.

1o. My set of keys that say "Violet's Bitch Mobile" that Alienor, Charlie and Jaimie gave me alongside a Razor scooter for my birthday. I have always aspired to have bitch mobile, and this might be the closest I get considering my crippling fear of getting my license.

That's ten items - tapping out for now.

VIolet

Honorary mention - my beaver bottle opener.

Reality Stars Turned Musicians

Those who get to talk to me on the daily may know that I have recently been nothing short of obsessed with reality TV.

I'm not really sure what happened, as I have never really watched reality before, but I remember seeing a TikTok about how your taste buds change with age. Maybe it's the same thing with TV after turning 19. In a matter of weeks, I have gone from watching zero to four reality shows. The ones currently capturing my attention, which I highly recommend, are the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Tour de France: Unchained, MILF Manor, and the Golden Bachelor.

The ones on my watchlist currently are the Hills and Laguna Beach, for reasons you might understand by the end of this post. (Heidi Montag).

What was born out of my natural sense of curiosity has developed into what Alienor called an addiction, as my initial exploration of Erika Jayne from RHOBH's Spotify has turned into this post. Use your weaknesses to your advantage, they say.

This is in no particular order, other than my two favorites, Heidi Montag and Erika Jayne. Also, all of the following information is from various sources on Reddit or my own personal mind.

Here is a link to my curated "Reality Stars" playlist, with all the songs quoted and mentioned included. This is only the beginning of my journey, please share other reality stars turned musicians if you know of any.

Heidi Montag

I unfortunately don't know much about her, as I have yet to watch any of the shows she has appeared on, but after Eliza introduced me to her music, my life was forever changed. Now, I see every moment that passes as one that brings me closer to watching the Hills. Every song I hear of hers is my new favorite.

Searching "Heidi Montag reddit" on Google, I saw that the second link to appear was titled "Heidi Montag Says She Almost Died After Having 10 Plastic Surgeries At Once: ‘I Was in Immense Pain’." That link brought me straight to the thread r/popculturechat, upon which I saw a picture of Ben Affleck drinking, GASP, Starbucks. What happened to respecting your culture, your roots?

"(It isn't fair) that I wear diamonds for breakfast"

"They say I'm superficial, some call me a bitch, they just mad cause I'm sexy, famous, and rich"

Erika Jayne

I love her so. My favorite moments from RHOBH season 13 so far are her asking her therapist how to develop empathy, and her trying to convince the world her weight loss was in fact NOT Ozempic, but the ever so elusive 'hormones.'

I'm not sure what possessed me to look her up on Spotify, maybe she mentioned her music on the show, maybe I saw it on the RHOBH reddit, maybe I saw it online somewhere. All I can say is that I wonder if I was put on this earth to make it to this moment, find her music, and spread it to the world.

My favorite lines are:

"I'm a royal diplomat, I can be your backdoor mat"

"Wop boys rock my world, I like to play with all my girls, but money makes me hard and tight, I love to bathe in cash and pearls" (according to the internet, wop is a derogatory term for Italian-Americans).

"My kitty's like a python, tick-tickin' like a time bomb"

"Wanna smash that club like brah, brah"

"How many fucks do I give? None, not one, zero, zero, zero, done."

"I'm a sex shooter, shooting love in your direction"

Either Eliza or Jaimie said "what ever happened to heavy breathing in songs?" and I would like to extend the question. In "Everybody Wants Some" Erika has this and more, with cat noises spread throughout the track.

Kim Kardashian

She only has one song, but god is it good. Jam (Turn It Up) had a huge impact on the world that is still felt to this day, IMHO. Although, I have to admit, it is hard for me to listen to this song without thinking about millennials. For those of you who don't know, two months ago, I went with Ady, Alienor, Eliza, Jaimie, Maddy and Molly to Drag Queen Trivia. One of the sections was non-musician celebrities with songs, where they played a fifteen or so second snippet and you had to guess who sang it, One of these songs was Jam (Turn it Up), and the hostess RAVAGED us for knowing what it was. I will spare you of the gory details, but the gist of it was "of course the Gen-Z group knows this one." This ruthless bullying got to me, ad I cry myself to sleep about it sometimes. As Jill Biden once said, it's ok to not be ok.

I wonder if Jam (Turn It Up) drew influence from Party In The U.S.A.

Kim Zolciak

Kim Zolciak starred on RHOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta), and had a spin off show called "Don't Be Tardy." Can you guess why?

I have to admit, I am not the hugest fan of this one, as I can hear her voice warble even with the aut0-tune. (I do feel bad saying this, as the first article that came up for me was titled "Kim Zolciak's husband Kroy Biermann ordered to SURRENDER his Rolls-Royce." I can't even imagine going through something so tragic, so clearly, she is struggling. It's just not who I am to beat a horse while it's down). I tried to find a silver lining, and "Tardy For the Party" has a good message. (Especially coming from someone hosting a party this weekend).

"Do your research honey, click them keys and Google me." This inspires because I did Google her.

Countess LuAnn

I really appreciate her song "Money Can't Buy You Class" because it makes me think, and I love things that make me think. While listening to it, I can't help but wonder who inspired this song. I also love passive learning, and the song is basically her dictating etiquette lessons to the listener.

I (someone working on educating herself), had never heard of Countess LuAnn. I have, though, been meaning to watch Real Housewives of New York, because, (DUH) homeland, and according to what may have been BuzzFeed (not something I am proud of), RHONY is the best Real Housewives universe. How could it get better than Beverly Hills? I don't know. Hope is a wonderful thing, and so I will choose to believe it until proven otherwise. Anyways, you can imagine my surprise when I looked her up on Google and learned she is a regular cast member of the show. I also learned that she married a Frenchman, so do with that what you will.

"Cabaret's my Cabernet." I don't understand what this means, but I am sure if I did it would be powerful.

"F Bombs on the G, do you know me?" According to Google, the "G" is slang for her private jet. I still like to imagine she's talking about the G train, so I relate to this one.

"Pajama parties, dressed in blue, classy and sassy, you know how we do"

"F bombs were flying, and the best part yet, was how everyone loved it, and then got upset"

Paris Hilton

Recently, I heard Ady talking about the movie "House of Wax." Overcome with excitement about how I finally knew one of her movie references, I almost tripped over myself bringing up Paris Hilton. Turns out, the 2o05 version was merely a remake. I've been obsessed with Paris Hilton since middle school on a fateful day in 7th grade with Olivia Gershweir. (Maybe it was because of House of Wax, maybe we watched the movie because Paris was in it. I'm not sure how it went down exactly, sue me). Even better, Paris Hilton's mom is in RHOBH, and the sister of Kyle Richards, which I didn't previously know. Paris Hilton is pop culture in the 21st century, from her music and her persona to her engagement. Tell me, how many people have a movie made about getting engaged to their fiancé? (Even with the the alternative telling of events). The movie called Falling for Christmas if you haven't been lucky enough to see it).

I also especially enjoyed the recent controversy about her newborn's absolutely massive head.

"You're the pickle in my sandwich, make me wanna eat you up"

Kenya Moore

Talk about Real Housewives! We have another one, Kenya Moore hailing from Atlanta. I don't know much about her, and I can't be bothered to look it up at this point in the post. I will, however, share my favorite lines. These are good for those of you who have been searching for the perfect comeback. Heads Up Phones Down does not support bullying!

"You say I'm fake, I say I'm fabulous. You say I'm old? I say I'm fabulous"

"You say I'm broke, I say I'm fabulous. You say I'm single, I say I'm fabulous."

Debra Danielsen

I absolutely love her versatility, from her making "Grandmas Love" in 2020 to "BULLETS & BOOZE" in 2021. I did, however, not enjoy listening to "White Woman's Rap" and, actually, most of her discography. It was no surprise to me to learn she was in Teen Mom (Not as a mom, as a grandmother). Actually, if Alienor, Charlie, Jaimie and I had watched only one more episode of 16 & Pregnant, I would have met her, as she is the mother of Farrah, the main character of episode 2.

"Allow me to reintroduce myself. Hello, I'm Debra"

"Everybody throw your hands up high if you have your shit together"

Scheana Maria

Google taught me that she appeared on "Vanderpump Rules," which is amazing news because this might be the ammunition I need to finally start watching it.

"A-P-P-L-E-S, how you like them?" I wonder if the soldiers in WWI ever thought about how the saying "how you like them apples" would inspire such powerful art. I hope it would make them proud.

DJ Pauly D

I have never watched Jersey Shore, and I admittedly do not know much about DJ Pauly D. Despite this, I have always held reservations about him actually being a DJ. It's kind of like how I get by without having watched many of the so called "classic" movies, some things seem so obvious people just assume. The fact that DJ is in his name makes me think so many people assume he DJs that he never actually needs to get around to it. Life is about growth, which I felt when I listened to his hit song, "Beat Dat Beat." It really made me doubt my assumptions. You know what they say, assuming makes an ass out of you and me. The word 'magic' falls short to describe what happens when this song is on.

"I don't represent all Italians, I represent myself"

"It takes me 25 minutes to do my hair"

"Yo, how come every time I'm DJing, there will be a hot ass girl, with an ugly ass friend. C'mon man"

"Gym, tan, and laundry. You gotta stay fresh." Today, I learned what GTL stands for. Unexpected.

Sharon Stoned by Chanel West Coast honorable mention, I am sick of research. It's hard balancing blogging and being an academic.