CANADA, WHAT THE FUCK?

Something I’ve noticed, in my limited time here, is that lots of things in Canada don’t make sense. Why are the outlets upside down? And why are they so high up on the wall?? Too bad I don’t know any electrical engineers.

Why does it say the seven rules to live by but only have five rules? Begs the question, is the poster trying to frustrate the reader, leaving them hanging for more motivational words of wisdom? Or maybe it’s just the touch of a shitty printer. Either way, good thing this in another dorm because I would not have stood for being subjected to this misrepresentation of facts every time I left my room.

Next on the list, the crosswalks say zero seconds on them the entire time the light is red, which makes you think that it just turned when really it could change back to green at any second.

More crosswalk drama: No one here crosses the street on a red light.

The date is DD/MM/YYYY, which theoretically makes sense, sure, but as an American, I’m fucked.

CANADA, I GUESS

Since I’m gonna be living here for a while, I thought I should off-shoot this with all the things Canada does right.

First off, on this cookie box we got, they suggested making s’mores. You know, in all my years, I’d never thought about making s’mores with the cookies that came with the chocolate combined. It really makes you think. Because, this way, the chocolate is consistently even, not going to fall out, and covers the entire s’more. Very well thought out, and this is coming from a “Titan of Tech”

Parc du Mont Royal is basically prospect park if it didn’t suck.

There’s an elevator in my building.

On top of the elevator, there are motivational posters every which way. Primely located, I can be reminded of these wise words on the daily.

Last but not least, theres bees everywhere. Not sure if this is scientifically correct, but it makes me think that they’re doing at least something right. Plus, it increases the number of times I can LOL about people being complete bitches about bees.

This is an unfinished list, don’t worry.

-Violet

Bagel V Bagel

Thoughts on the everlasting MTL v NYC bagel debate. What does one have on the other, and who comes out on top?

As a New Yorker, I need to state my bias. Before even trying a MTL bagel, I already know that there is one right answer, and you’re not gonna find it in Canada.

I should have known what I was in for the second I stepped into the bagel shop. Before I could think straight, I was assaulted by the sight of boho industrial decor every which way.

Putting this out of my mind (albeit difficulty, it was a lot to take in), determined it fulfill the bagel craving I had been feeling for days, I ordered my usual: sesame toasted with cream cheese and tomato.

I saw a chocolate bagel, which intrigued me, but I felt like it was unfair to start the review on unequal footing.

What felt like hours later, it was ready.

I peeled away the paper surrounding it, and could already feel the dry and flaky outside coming apart in my hands.

In the first bite, my suspicions were confirmed. Montreal had nothing on New York.

(Georgias bagel - I was too distraught to take photos)

I’ve thought all day about the best way to describe it, and the most fitting conclusion I could make was an airport bagel.

It was dry and unnaturally chewy, so different from the pillowy cushions of dough from back home.

I’m not sure if the business is struggling or if this is just the norm, but there was so little cream cheese and salt on there that I could almost taste the frugal owners’ plans to save money.

I almost had to peel apart the bagel to check that there was stuff inside, the whisper of cream cheese was so faint.

Even with all this: there was more. A simple bagel with cream cheese, not even considering the tomato, was 3.99. While even back home I would have felt cheated by this, the knowledge that the amount of dough and cream cheese in a New York bagel was easily triple the one I ate this morning made it too much to bear.

This bagels saving grace was the cream cheese (What’s awkward for them is that it just tasted like Philadelphia, so the best thing about their bagel was grocery store cream cheese). However, even so, it wasn’t enough.

Admittedly, other than the initial bias, I’m not dissing the Montreal bagel with finality. I know for a fact that I could find better elsewhere in the city, so now the hunt is on. I hope that they can redeem theirselves, for both our sakes.

On The Topic Of Popcorn Ceilings

Tonight, while “reading” (going on my phone as my book laid open in my lap), I casually glanced up at the ceiling. Usually not thinking anything of it, all the time to think in the car today had me very pensive, and so I noticed there was a popcorn ceiling.

At first contemplating the ugly look of a popcorn ceiling, and the (potentially fake news) thought that asbestos is hiding under there, I began to wonder why popcorn ceilings exist at all. Is it to hide dirt? Because I feel like it just looks dirtier. Is it an aesthetic choice? Because I just don’t see the vision. Is it structural? Because I’m no engineer, but I don’t see how that could work.

Really, unless I’m missing something, as the minutes passed, and I thought about it for longer and longer, installing a popcorn ceiling started to seem like as good of an idea as signing up for a retail store’s credit card.

While, in most cases, I would look it up, I decided to keep the mystery alive. Some things are too personal to ruin with a quick google search. If the news is broken to me, I can only dream that it happens in person or by someone I’m close to.

Spin off question - I know that not all ceilings are white, but I’ve never seen a popcorn ceiling in another color. (Don’t say beige, like - obviously, I’m exaggerating. Talk to me again when you’ve seen one in a non-neutral).

Then, is textured ceiling the same as wall to wall carpeting? No, but they both make you question the reasons behind their existence, and why whoever was designing the house in question chose to add that artistic flair. Speaking of, wall to wall carpeting also freaks me out. (Add it to the list).

Why is it also always beige? Both of these things give off a similar energy to toilet seat covers. I like to think of myself as not that high maintenance, but if you have a toilet seat cover I’m running the other way. It’s over.

I mean, tell me you would be able to look at someone the same after going to their bathroom and being confronted with this.

The most frustrating part is that I just don’t understand the appeal. Honestly, it almost feels like I’m missing out on a joke. Is it because your ass gets cold?? If so, I’m sorry but grow up.

Overall, if I accidentally subbed you in this, I’m honestly not sorry to say it because I’m just speaking my truth. However, I am sorry you had to go through living with these stress-causing inventions.  Better luck next time, I guess.