Kindle Craze

This summer I was lucky enough to find a kindle at a yard sale. I cherish my kindle, although I will say that I probably spend more time thinking about it and talking about it than actually using it. I keep imagining myself sitting at the kitchen table beside Alienor and Charlie who both also have and use kindles. We are all on our kindles reading the same book and laughing in unison. (We’re probably on different parts though because I am a very fast and talented reader). I imagine Alienor to be eating peanut butter egg toast and Charlie toast with jam. Jaimie is there too although she’s not laughing because she doesn’t have a kindle to join in on the fun. 

Even though I prefer reading actual books I enjoy every step of the way using the kindle. The journey starts when I first open Libby, smiling slyly to myself knowing the book I want is probably on one of the six library cards I own. This is actually not very realistic but I am gracious and patient so it doesn’t phase me. I like pressing download for kindle and having the Amazon account be logged into automatically because I don’t remember the password and have to otherwise go on a lengthy search for it. My favorite part, though, is when I’m reading on the kindle app on my iPad because I can’t see my actual kindle in the dark. On the iPad I can check every couple of pages my reading speed and expected time left in the book. I also get to use my iPad which I have neglected recently. 

This isn’t to say I don’t use the actual kindle. It’s a night and day thing, really. I love pressing the buttons on the side and it keeps me off Snapchat news so there’s perks to both. Enough about kindles though. 

As many of you know I am recently back in Brooklyn. Since I’ve been home, I have been on a very strict schedule. 

When I wake up, which is probably around 11, I open my computer and spend around 20 minutes doing online work. It is very taxing, so of course I usually have to recharge with a green juice. 

I then move to the living room and sit, thinking about my day and where it might take me. I go on at least one big outing, which is becoming a problem as I like to have a task for the outing and I am running low on directions to walk and errands to do. Even worse, it’s only been four days and I have two more weeks. 

Please don’t stress out too much on my behalf though. With Georgia leaving on Tuesday, I’ll be forced to get creative. 

When I’m back from my outing I usually sit and think some more. Sometimes I stress out about all I might be missing out on now that I’m spending less time on reels. I’ve been crafting again too and spend many hours drawing the thin stripes that somehow make their way into most of my projects. The bottom left part of my phone is not working well, so it’s also been very time consuming to do really anything on my phone, much of my afternoon is spent flipping it back and forth between portrait and landscape. 

Georgia and I have been declutterring and tackle one section of our room a day. I’ve gotten rid of lots of stuff and found many gems. This has forced me to reckon with my hoarder side. I think I’ve talked about this before,  but this year has been good for my anti-hoarding growth. Eliza was talking to me about how keeping scraps of paper from collageing or wherever they came from felt stupid to her, as there was no world in which they would ever get used. It always feels wasteful to throw scraps away, but it’s left me with piles and piles of crumpled pieces of paper I am too scared to root through. They’ve all gone in the recycling…. On top of this, distance has made me less fond. Maybe attached is a better word than fond, but I see less of a need to keep bottles and bottles of old shampoo from hotels. 

I found many awful drawings from quarantine. Those, I kept. I found lots of old notebooks and some pungent incense Georgia and I bought that we can still get whiffs or even though we threw it out on Tuesday. 

It is really boring going through old stuff but I can see all the joyful things on the horizon… I’ve rediscovered many useful things and gotten rid of piles of old homework. (Hopefully I won’t need to revisit my freshman year physics tests anytime soon) The best of all, Georgia and I can finally display our trolls collection and give them the visibility they so deserve. 

I’ll post a picture of them when all is done. 

Violet 

National Girlfriend Day

Today was a disappointment. Every year, the days tick by as I await National Girlfriend Day. Who is still together from high school? What type of girlfriend post would those I follow create? Who had gotten together, who has broken up? These questions are constantly circling in my mind and usually I have no means to find the answers.

I spend 363 empty, holiday-free mornings and nights staring at the wall and crossing off days on the calendar. My days are mundane and often meaningless. That is, until National Girlfriend Day on August 1st and National Boyfriwnd Day October 3rd.

I had no idea today was the day when I woke up. I went on Instagram and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. June and Ila were talking about it and I heard “golf day.” I thought it was a bit weird they both followed golfers who felt possessed to post but I was engrossed in my book and not really paying attention. The conversation continued, and when I finally clued in the realization hit. It was 3PM and I had not seen a single story.

I knew two years ago when I did a mass unfollowing and removing of people I had never spoken to from my high school that there would be some cutthroat decisions I would later regret. Usually it doesn’t bother me much but sometimes I think back on who I was in that moment and all the things I did wrong. How could I have known following my impulses could lead to so much misery?

I checked obsessively whenever I got a chance and only managed to see about three or four total. This was made worse by hearing about the stories those around me were seeing, so I reached out to Maddy knowing she would be in a similar boat. I’ve found that even though it’s hard to reach out, it’s important to talk to your friends during low points like this. She said that maybe as every year goes by people will post less and less, but I’m choosing to ignore her and keep hoping it’s a fluke.

Please reach out to those you know in relationships and ask them to do better.

Moving out, or moving up?

This week my mind has been overrun with thoughts of moving. Our apartment seems to be falling apart. Charlie hypothesized that it will disintegrate once we leave. I like to think it mourns our departure as much as we do. The bathroom has a moldy smell, the pond of water on our roof seems to grow every morning, there was a (recently conquered) fruit fly problem, one of the cabinet drawers can't open, and the shelf inside our freezer door flew off.

It makes the prospect of moving easier. The apartment feels like it is in a consistent state of filth that no amount of cleaning removes. It looks wrong getting emptier. I sat on Alienor's balcony yesterday looking in on her room with nothing but the bare mattress lurking in the corner.

That mattress, covered in stains from tenants past, got slept on bare if you can believe it. (By a subletter, not Aliénor). I tried to take a photo. but the splotches didn't show up with enough of an impact. To paint the picture, Charlie told me when she moved in, her mom said she couldn't in good conscience let her sleep on a mattress in such a state.

I wondered, while I looked across the room, where the people who had added to the yellowing fabric ended up. Unfortunately, we have to leave the stains behind before we have these answers. Maybe the next tenants will think it was us, lounging on the bed in the particularly bad spots in hopes of sitting somewhere we once lingered.

I also wondered what their mugs and dishes will look like. I am pretty judgy when it comes to dishes; they have been on the mind ever since Charlie asked Jaimie, Alienor, and I the ones we liked most and least. I honestly don't know how so many people get it wrong. I thought a good mug was a pretty objective thing. I learned this was not the case when I found out the ones Jaimie and Alienor preferred. I guess that's a lesson to learn; I grew up in a house where we all have similar taste. Doesn't mean the same for everyone.

Despite some roommate disagreements, I have high hopes that my summer of yard-saleing will lead to some great new additions to our dish collection. Hopefully, it will also lead to new additions in my furniture collection, as I have nothing so far. There is no doubt in my mind that there will be some good finds this year. I can feel it. More than feeling it, I need it, as I have spent all year hyping up Long Island estate sales to Charlie and Eliza. They are visiting mid July, so the stakes are quite high.

I think moving overall is good for me. It has forced some tough conversations. Hiding in the dark corner under my desk, I had a cardboard box full of old wrapping paper and magazine clipping that I told myself I would use someday in a craft.

When talking about someone she knows who hoards paper for future crafts, Eliza said there was no way any of it will ever get used. I thought about this a bit. Never once have I rifled through that box. It feels wasteful to throw these papers out, as it's true that I could technically find a use for it. I think it is time to grow up and reckon with the fact that even though I could, I won't. So, I threw it all out.

I have decided to hold myself to a new system, only keeping loose papers that are cut cleanly and lay flat. No wrapping paper, either. I feel free without this burden, so I hope it sticks.

Moving doesn't come without its worries, though. I have been telling everyone who will listen about my deep fears surrounding my chevron fabric. It's sheer and probably 10x4 feet, and I currently have it hanging as a curtain to my closet. Here's where the trouble begins... next year, my closet has a door. Where am I going to put my chevron curtain?

I don't like having curtains over my window, and I think my room next year doesn't get the best light, so I want to squeeze out every UV ray I can. What am I going to do?

I have a similar issue with my gold tablecloth. (Yard sale find of summer 23). Initially, I tried to put it on my bed but there was leftover wax from the old owners and it shed everywhere. I then put it on my desk, but I might not have a desk next year... It's all too much.

Lots of things are coming to a close. I am finally caught up on my album a day adventure, and I have my last shift at work on Thursday (Last for the summer, trust I will be back in Bronfman come fall).

I am really excited. We are doing inventory and there is literally nothing I love more than inventory. When I worked at the Angelika we would have to do inventory every shift and it was one of my favorite tasks. (I will say, not sure why it was that serious. Maybe before I arrived there were staff members stealing corn kernels one by one).

Thinking back on it, inventory has been my favorite task at many jobs. My first experience was at Catbird and I spent many hours counting hundreds of tiny earrings and bracelets. I think that's where my love for spreadsheets started. At Rachel Comey too, I would look forward to when I could work in the warehouse because that would mean I could spend my day walking around with my clipboard, on top of the world.

I am not sure if I have discussed it on here, but I have a grand plan for my retirement of cataloguing all of my belongings. A couple of months ago, I thought I would start it when moving. This way, I could add things to my spreadsheet while packing. Talk about a good system??? Unfortunately, after I started taking things down from my walls, I got so wrapped up in the swing of things that I filled and taped shut a number of boxes. Guess it is a project for retirement, after all. Sorry to let all of you down.

I'm not too upset about it, as I was talking to Charlie in the kitchen today about my notebooks filled with a sentence description of how I have spent single every day since eighth grade. I told her about my plans to make a website with this info if I have Booth from Girls related mid-30s crisis, and she told me I should make one of those subscription texts that feeds out one day each morning to my mass of fans. I will do this once I am famous and then my fans can get the exclusive experience of walking in my shoes since the age of 13.

Projects galore!