I’ve never been one for complaining (except when I do all the time) and I’ve also never been one for dramatics (mostly). I pride myself on my brute strength and perseverance, especially in the most challenging and harrowing of times. Now, you may be asking that question, “Mia, what these ‘challenging’ and ‘harrowing’ times that you are referring to?” Well, I’ll tell you. It is the season of spring 2023 pollen allergies. Allow me to expand upon this.
It all started back on Thursday. To most on the East coast, (especially the granola earthy crunchy, Birkenstock wearing, Hydroflask carrying, UVM girlies) Thursday was a highlight of the year. Finally, after months of darkness, sunlight began to emerge and people could FINALLY go back to posting spine-chilling Instagram stories of themselves basking in the sun and hammocking (I’m not sure if this is a real word but everyone in Vermont says it so I have also started saying it. Am I assimilating? Maybe.) All in all, Thursday was a glorious day, filled with celebration and optimism for everyone...everyone that is except for me.
It started out well enough but quite quickly turned a corner. I was feeling good, feeling lit, and feeling ready to take on the day. I woke up not, even a sniffle leaving my nose. After all it is April. A little early for allergies, don’t you think? Well, do not be fooled. I too thought this and was sorely mistaken.
This Thursday was a little different from most Thursdays as I had a flight back to NYC! Literally thank god. I arrived in the Big Apple safe and sound after white-knuckling it the entire flight and then paid way too much for an Uber back to my apartment. It was then that I felt a little tickle in my nose. Now, ordinarily this would be nothing to worry about. No skin off my back is what I always say. But I knew this was something different. I felt it in my soul and in my bones. There was something evil afoot.
One thing about me is that I hate sneezing. Especially in an hour-long Uber ride. I can’t have the Uber driver think of me as “sneeze girl” or something of that nature. I mean, what is more humbling than that? Nothing, actually. I knew that if I let one sneeze out, the chain of sneezes would be never-ending, which is why I tried my absolute hardest to hold them in. Let me tell you – that Uber ride was one the most stressful experiences of my life.
As soon as I arrived home, after that tortuous Uber ride. I let out a series of seven sneezes in a row. Embarrassing? Yes. But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
After my little sneeze-fest I took it upon myself to sample all of the new snacks in my house. As a woman of taste, class, and culture, it has always been important to me to keep up with the times and checking out the pantry to see what I’ve been missing is one of the ways that I do this. Well, this was a mistake. As soon as I opened the cabinet I was hit with a swarm of dust (how my family been living in such filth, I do not know) which only exacerbated the situation sending me into a fit of sneezing, coughing, and intense eye itching. This pollen/dust combo was NOT it. Personally, not a fan. But to each their own, I guess.
Anyway. I thought that this might be remedied by going outside to get some fresh air. After all, doesn’t this seem logical? At the time it did, but upon reflection this was probably one of the stupidest thoughts I have ever had in my life as I was literally choosing to put myself closer to the pollen. We all have our faults, although we all know that mine are few and far between. As you might imagine this was a mistake and set me up to experience a weekend that would truly test the bounds of the mind, body, and spirit. They always say that God chooses her strongest soldiers to put into battle and let me tell you that this weekend I was on the frontlines.
I spend all of Friday and Saturday sneezing up and storm, having to carry packs upon packs of tissues in my tote. As we know, the #totelife is already hard enough, but now I had
to carry extra water, tissues and CVS brand Allegra as well. Oh, did I mention that no allergy medications have ever worked for me ever? I probably should have mentioned this before. I was just carrying the Allegra around for comfort.
Unable to function like a normal human being, I surrendered to the bees and retreated home, leaving my apartment as minimally as possible. I’m ashamed to say that the bees have won this round as I usually consider myself victorious in every situation, but acceptance is the first step to recovery. (or 2nd or 3rd? IDK I am too lazy to look it up. I’ve just heard people say this.)
Usually in stories such as this one, we all hope for a redemption arc for the main character, but I regret to inform you all that as I write this, I have a pocket full of tissues and am currently itching my eye. Ordinarily I would be spiteful and hateful about this, but my 2023 resolution was to look on the bright side, so I am deciding to learn from my pollen allergy experience.
What did I learn you might ask? Let me tell you. We as a society have been far too protective of the bee community. To be honest, I don’t actually understand why. I know they pollinate flowers and make honey, but how serious is that if we really think about it? Probably not that serious. We have been lied to, tricked, bamboozled even. On a personal level, bees have brought nothing to me but torture every Spring and fear every Summer as I am terrified of getting stung. As a collective I think that it is high time that we stop protecting the bees and let fate run its course.
You may be thinking that all of this is a bit dramatic, but what can I say? I have always told it like it is.
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