After years and years of people telling me I reminded them of the investigative journalist Nellie Bly, I decided to put on my practical sneakers and emulate the great Columbo. I am in LA after all.
What question am I trying to tackle?
The truth about Erewon. Being so fabulous and off the grid, I hadn’t heard about this up and coming grocery store until recently. But, unlike usual, the more I learned the more I felt intrigued.
It seemed to get more mysterious with every step closer I got to the truth. Now, I’ve watched Murder She Wrote, I know that this is just part of the process. Honestly, answers found early on in the journey are often misguiding.
So, I kept my detective goggles on, and tried not to be swayed by implicit (or explicit) bias. Thank you, Ms. Witte.
The journey started on a sunny day in Fairfax Los Angeles. I set off, a pep in my step, lost in thought about my Erewon adventures ahead. Little did I know what was coming.
Walking up, I almost went in the wrong door, and was met with rueful eyes from the customers around me. Not letting this get to my head (imposter syndrome is a real problem in this industry), I continued on my journey to the real entrance.
For those of you who have never been to this Erewon, the outside windows are covered in a tinted film, dark but still allowing for reflection.
And reflect these people did, as one group of girls stood, face to the wall, admiring their appearance.
Like many LA residents, these girls were alone, out in the big city, save for a vlog camera at their sides. A modern day battle axe.
I started to wonder, much like Zebras in the jungle, do the various vloggers get competitive? It didn’t seem so, as two other vlogging groups were seated outside the golden gate to heaven (Erewons sliding doors). They didn’t look vicious, and despite momentarily slipping my headphones off, I couldn’t hear any sort of growling.
I was curious to learn more, but I’ve always been more partial to Observational rather than Experimental design, so I made my way inside.
My first discovery, something pretty unsightly to someone with New England heritage like myself, was the lack of Hellmans mayo. This isn’t talked about, but the brand of mayo says a lot about an establishment.
I’ve attached a photo of a grocery store I went to last August below, for reference.
So, you might be able to understand my discomfort. If I hadn’t been able to tell before, this made me aware that I was in a foreign land, maybe even more foreign than Canada.
I shook it off, and continued on my journey. This place looked like Whole Foods on steroids, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I saw a lollipop there retailing for - you heard me right - $7.49. Maybe LA uses a different currency? I’ll ask Elon next time we hang.
I also noticed that, unlike my usual grocery stores, the prices were either not on things, or hidden on the bottom somewhere. This wasn’t the case for the stuff on shelves, but most of the prepackaged foods and fruit. Maybe this is a marketing scheme, or maybe I need glasses, but it freaked me out. Do the customers here just not care?
Moving throughout the store like a Taipan snake, I found myself at the bread section. The whole store went quiet, and I could hear the whispers around me. Carbs?
I could feel the power coursing through my veins, electric sparks shooting out of my fingers, calling me closer and closer. I felt like the eight year old girl from Roahl Dahl’s the Magic Finger, believing that she had some sort of electric superpower. I later learned this is not the books storyline. Good thing I didn’t tell anyone about that one, huh? 😂💩
You know how in the movies, all great villains have a breaking point? I would tell you what the girl from the Magic Finger’s was, but clearly I don’t remember the book very well. Well, mine was these bagels.
To be quite vulnerable with you all, I feel like I’ve been through enough this year. I’ve had to sit through multiple lecturing me about how Montreal’s “bagels” are better than New York’s. I consider myself a strong person, but this cross was too heavy to bear.
This isn’t to say things didn’t call to me. I saw my favorite fruit of all time, passion fruit. And, the famous sushi sandwich looked delicious. But, some things you just can’t excuse, and while I could not find the sushi sandwiches price, I figured it wasn’t meant to be.
Unlike Nellie Bly, I made it out of Erewon like an oily eel slips out of your fingers when you’re at the beach and in the water and you’re looking for an eel and then you find an eel and you grab it and reach for it and oh no! it slips out of your grasp and you think to yourself what could have been if you had only remembered your fishing net so you put your hands up to your eyes because you can’t stand the sight of the ocean in front of you any longer but you forgot you had just been cutting jalapeños because you’re not in the ocean you’re in your kitchen and you’ve never had an eel in your hands except for that one you ate last night in that sushi that was so delicious and you look at your hands but they’re not hands they’re eels and they’re reaching for your throat and you can’t breathe and the eels become you and you become the eels and you wonder if you were always this way and it seems like you might have been but something’s not right and then you wake up.
To be honest though, I think worse come to worse I could have survived. Like James Madison once said, “throw me to the wolves and I’ll return leading the pack.”
Ta for now, I’ve a couple more Erewon trips in my future, so I’ll keep you updated.
I am left to wonder, though, how does the Mini Cooper come into play? The Coconut Milk? I am on the edge of my seat.
Yummilicious - Love the rambling at the end, it calls to me.