At some point during the ceremony, please begin a surprise mannequin challenge. And film it.
Lie to everyone about how I died so no one can get the story straight.
Please have an Eminem impersonator perform the ceremony. If none are available I expect one of the guests to step up to the role.
Everyone who’s ever had a crush on me has to admit it, in great detail.
You must read a list of all my accomplishments including this one:
At a point of your choosing, I expect a dramatic reading of my best blog posts.
I also would like a magic show, involving doves and card tricks.
Please place all of my best items at the funeral with price tags to guilt people into buying them. You’re welcome to my current and future immediate family! Funeral X Stoop Sale
I would love for you to showcase my retainer in a museum-standard lit-up glass case. Give her the respect she deserves.
If people are being fake call them out. On the mic.
Mia said she would like Bill Clinton to speak at her’s to recreate the Brooklyn Tech graduation and to remind people she never forgot her roots. I agree.
The dress code should be 80s prom themed. I expect strict adherence.
Post-funeral stargazing. If anyone mentions they can see the Big Dipper, they’re out. We can all see the Big Dipper.
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